Save The Meaning, Cut Away The Rest - Page 2

When looking for text to delete, cross out:

• Words that have been included just to emphasize your sincerity, like really and truly
• Words that don't add anything to what you have already said
• Unnecessary details
• Phrases that unnecessarily repeat words you have already used, when a pronoun would do
• Phrases that tell the readers something they already learned earlier
• Pompous b.s.
• Corporate speak (phrases only a committee could love)

Unfortunately, to edit in this way requires thought. You can't do it mechanically. In his admirable book of lessons on style, Joseph Williams points out that "The only reliable way you can identify and remedy wordiness is to slog through every sentence, word by word. That's hard work."

Examples

Before Using various technologies we intend to study, identify, or otherwise characterize changes in the physicochemical state of a myriad of plutonium compounds found in various residues, destined to be stored as interim waste over decades. Uncertainty about the practical effects of possible changes, such as gas generation and corrosion and other possibly deleterious transformations that might lead to unsafe storage conditions, adversely affecting the waste form, result from inadequate previous studies of these complicated residues, as opposed to the more straightforward metal and pure oxides, which we will not study. The chemical behavior of this material, especially the material intimate ly in contact with the plutonium, needs to be studied over time to identify any chemical changes due to aging, corrosion, or gas generation of the problem residues. Once we can identify these possible changes, we can proceed to the next phase of our project, which is to suggest countermeasures. 149 words.	After The problem: The lab intends to store some waste materials containing plutonium compounds for decades, but we do not know how these plutonium-containing materials will behave, chemically, over this long a time. We fear they may rust or give off gases, damaging the waste, or its environment. This project: Excluding metal and pure oxides, the residues will be studied to identify potentially dangerous changes in the local chemical environment of the plutonium metal center. Next step: Countermeasures. 77 words.
Before How do I check out when I am all done with my shopping at the stores within the Jumbo portal? Whether you are buying one item, a dozen, or maybe a hundred, you can just simply click on the Shopping Cart icon, which appears at the top of every JumboShop page. Once you are in the shopping cart, you can do several things, if you want. Optionally, you can confirm that everything you wanted to buy has shown up in the order, enter billing and shipping information, and then click the Check Me Out button, to move the order along. At the moment you click the Check Me Out button, we send your order to the individual store. At that point, the transaction is between you and the store, and if there are any problems, you need to talk to the store. If you call us, we will only be able to help you with our part of the transaction, that is, before we actually send the order to the store. 171 words	After How do I check out? Click the Shopping Cart, at the top of the page. Look over your order. (You can delete items if you want). Enter billing and shipping info. Click Check Me Out. At that time, we send your order to the individual store. 50 words
Before I am a little uncomfortable with some of the things you have been saying in the last few messages on this discussion group, and I know you don't intend to make people upset, but I have to share with you that I am feeling a little hurt at what you said about me, if you know what I mean. I hope you take this the right way. I am trying to reach out and clarify our relationship. 77 words	After I'm hurt and angry at what you've been saying about me. 11 words

See: Baker & Goldstein (1966), Bork (1983), Glass (1989), Horton (1990), Krug (2000), Levine (1997), Morkes & Nielsen (1997, 1998), Nielsen (1997a, 1997b, 1999f), Spyridakis (2000), Sullivan (1998), Williams (1994).

Idea #1: Shorten That Text!
Hot Text: Web Writing that Works
Make Each Paragraph Short - Page 3